The Uncritic

For a class assignment, I had to make a short “webcomic”, so I thought i’d post it up here. Click on the picture to make it legible.

http://tvguide.sympatico.msn.ca/TVNews/Articles/081105_kringadmitsfailure_DW

”

After Heroes creator and executive producer Tim Kring fired two producers (Jesse Alexander and Jeph Loeb) from the show, Kring admitted he agrees with some of the recent criticisms the show has faced.

After getting slammed for the show’s second-season demise, Kring has been a very hands-on showrunner this season, but his time is largely eaten by the huge cast and intense, over-budget, post-production requirements, reports Variety. Kring may replace Alexander and Loeb with first-season producer Bryan Fuller, who is currently running things over at Pushing Daisies. Potential bad news for Daisies fans?

Kring wants to focus on simplifying the stories, develop the characters and put a stop to the overly complex scenes, but in order to do that, some heroes may be killed off in the housekeeping attempt. As the “Villains” chapter winds down next month, and “Fugitives” kicks off the second half of the season, frustrated viewers will be wondering which heroes will be permanently defeated, and if we will ever see some of our old favourites (ahem, Micah and Monica) again.

Speaking of frustrated people, Law & Order boss Dick Wolf didn’t mince words to Sun Media when he recently discussed the current TV season.

“Disastrous.””

Michael Crichton

2008 is merciless.  First it took Ledger, then it took Mac.  And now it’s taken Crichton.

Michael Crichton is possibly my favourite author of all time, and even if you don’t know who he is, you know who he is.  He’s written some of the best action/science fiction/thriller novels ever, most of which have been made into movies.  Jurassic Park, Disclosure, Eaters of the Dead, Congo, Sphere, Timeline, The Andromeda Strain, The Great Train robbery and more.  Every single one of his books have been great, even if some of the movie versions suffered terribly.  Nobody can argue about the greatness that is Jurassic Park though.

He’s even done some straight to film work; E.R., the medical show that jumpstarted Geirge Clooney’s career?  Crichton co-wrote it.  Twister?  Crichton.

Out of his last three works, I found Prey and Next to be somewhat lacking.  However the third (State of Fear) was a great novel, about the dangers of “bandwagon” science as related to Global Warming.  Crichton always kept his novels relative to current issues.  None of his novels were really just pure action thrillers.  Jurassic Park was a commentary on the dangers of attempting to control nature.  Timeline was a criticism of how modern historians viewed history with condescension.  Airframe was a look at how the media is able to control every situation.  Each of his novels always has a deeper underlying theme, which is what made them so great.

One of my goals in life was to meet, or at least talk, with Crichton, but now it’s never to be.  Rest in Peace Crichton.

Payne/Payneful

I used to have a saying, “There is no bad movie with Mark Wahlberg in it.” Determined to prove me wrong, Marky Mark immediately set out to make The Happening. That movie was apparently terrible, which is why I didn’t watch it. Mark didn’t give up though. He then starred in another movie which he knew I would have to watch. And that movie was Max Payne.

I had a weird feeling after seeing Max Payne. One I rarely have after seeing movies… anger. Yes, Max Payne was so terrible, it actually made me angry. Angry that I had spent money and time that I would never get back on that excuse for a film. Payne is based off the videogame with the same name. Max Payne was a genre breaking game, mixing ultra stylish bullet time action with a very noir-esque storyline told through gritty visuals. Actually scratch that, Max Payne the game wasn’t noir-esque, it WAS completely and totally noir.

For reasons unknown, the script writer decided to cut back all the violence and twist the original story into an unrecognizable mess. Everyone needs a hobby I guess. The basics are still there; a happy cop with a family has his life ruined when a seemingly random home burglary ends in the slaughter of his wife and child. With the case unsolved and no leads, Max is the only person left still trying to find the killer, which eventually ends up consuming his entire life. And that’s where the similarities end. The movie throws in a pharmaceutical company (corporations are evil..we get it already), unrelated Norse imagery complete with demon-like valkyries, and Chris “Ludacris” Bridges. Combined with a terribly acted cameo by Nelly Furtado, we can only assume that the casting director ran out of ideas, and turned to MTV.

Talking about bad casting decisions, Mona Sax, an assassin with an agenda is also included from the game, except she’s played by Mila Kunis. Kunis really broke out of her “Jacky from That 70’s Show” mold in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, but she is completely out of her depth here. I seriously felt like laughing everytime she gritted her teeth and spoke angrily.

The speedy girl Daphne from Heroes has a brief moment in the movie, with the exact same hairdo. Yes, I had to mention that.

The main problem of the movie other than the illegible plot, is that it’s simply BORING. Half the scenes in the movie serve no purpose and the other half are the characters walking around gritty backgrounds “discovering” things the audience figured out 20 minutes ago. For a movie named “Max Payne”, there sure isn’t a lot of payne going around. There are literally two action scenes the entire movie, each of which is about 30 seconds long. The first one has a SWAT team shooting Max with automatic rifles(and missing), while he accurately takes them out with a pistol. The second “action” clip, is Max firing off 2 shots with a shotgun, slowed down so much, it takes about 30 seconds.

Seriously.

There are also a lot of scenes with the main villain looking down intensely at Max from the rooftops. You’d figure he’d rather spend the time terrorizing people and doing other villain-y things, but nope. Staring intensely at Max from the rooftops is his idea of a good night. And to be honest i’d rather go stare at someone intensely from a rooftop then watch this horrible movie again.

P.S.:  A movie named Max Payne, and I limited myself to just one pun the entire review.  Aren’t you proud?

If you’re Canadian and 18 years or older, you have no excuse, go out and vote.  It doesn’t matter if you don’t care about the election, if you have no idea about politics, don’t be lazy and stay home.  Every single vote makes a difference.  If you’re dissatisfied with the voting system, with every single political party, go out there and return a spoiled ballot.  When you don’t vote, you lose your voice.

Remember, “Bad officials are elected by good people who don’t vote”.

Hayden!

Heroes has just started its third season, and the writers are like Iron Man fighting Namor; they still seem to be way out of their depth.  That was a horribly geeky joke, and I promise I won’t do that again (this paragraph).  But seriously, Heroes has a lot of problems.  Problems that can be traced all the way back to the first season. Starting with:

1: A Weak Foundation Because of A Lack of Research

When the show first started, the creator Tim Kring made it clear that he was avoiding comic books in order to avoid similarities to previous stories.  That just didn’t make any sense.  When you write a show about normal people doing supernatural things, things tend to get complicated; mistakes will be made and ironed out, a process that has been done over and over again by previous writers.  The impression Kring gave us was that he felt himself above the learning process, and decided he would be able to handle the complexities of such a show without a lot of research.  That was the first mistake.

2:  Overpowered Abilities

Building on from the first mistake, Kring then proceeded give every character stupidly strong, overpowered abilities.  This wasn’t such a big deal in the first season, when everyone was still learning how to use their powers, but in the second (and now third season), it’s definitely a huge problem.

The problem is, Kring is trying to keep the world and plotlines surronding the characters as “normal” as possible.  But things just dont’ make sense when you put overpowered characters in normal situations, something that the writers still haven’t seemed to figure out how to work with properly.  For example, take Hiro Nakamura, the character with the ability to move through time, and instantaneously teleport.  In the normal world, we would call him “God”.  Kring didn’t think about putting restrictions on Hiro’s powers.  There is no limit on how long Hiro can freeze time, no limits on where he can teleport, and how far he can move through time.

Now because of the lack of constrictions on Hiro’s powers, the writers have trouble putting Hiro in believable conflicts.  Instead of creating difficult conflicts that challenge Hiro’s powers, they put him in positions with simple solutions, yet make him choose the most roundabout methods to accomplish his goals.

We’ll take the latest episode an an example.  In this episode, we see Hiro opening a safe containing a valuable document, then having it stolen from him by a very speedy girl.

First of all, the fact that this girl can move while Hiro has time slowed down, doesn’t even begin to make sense.  If she’s moving that fast while time is that slow, then she’s moving about 10 times the speed of light (a completely made up calculation, but close enough) when time is moving at a normal rate. Apparently her casual clothes are made out of material that can withstand faster than light travel, not to mention her body.

But that’s not even the point.  The fact is, the easy solution to this problem is Hiro travelling back into time at the moment the paper was stolen, and figuring out a way to stop himself from opening the safe.  Stop time before Hiro opens the safe, explain to present Hiro what would happen, then go back into his normal time.  I mean he’s already messed with the timestream enough, it’s not like this is going to break the universe in half.

Instead, the writers make Hiro hire private investigators to find a magical fingerprint (WHERE WOULD THEY EVEN START LOOKING?! THERE WERE ABOUT 40 PEOPLE WORKING ON THAT ONE FLOOR ALONE!), going to the culprits storage room, stealing a worthless medal, then expecting her to trade it for the formula that would make her rich, and from what she said, stop her boss from kicking her ass.  Then they show Hiro dodging her attempts to steal the medal, because he is now apparently faster than her.  So then…why doesn’t he just teleport behind her, grab the formula, then teleport away?  Because that would make too much sense.

Then there’s Sylar.  In one of the most ridiculous moments this show has ever offered, Sylar is unable to open a locked pair of wooden closet doors.  He’s able to pick up 150 pound people with his mind alone, he can toss locker doors down hallways, he can cut open bone from a distance by waving his finger, but he can’t figure out a way to open two half an inch thick wooden closet doors right in front of him.  I’m pretty sure a person with NO superpowers would have got those doors open within seconds.

Maybe wooden closet doors are Sylar’s Kryptonite?

We won’t even get into Peter, who has all these powers, AND MORE, yet can’t seem to do anything remotely useful with them except cry a lot.

That’s what happens when you make characters too powerful, but don’t have the ability to create believable situations where their powers are challenged.  In this new third season, we have reason to believe that even MORE characters will now have powers.  This is just getting stupid. They can’t handle the powers they have now, why are they introducing more?

3:  A Bloated Cast

Another problem is the huge cast.  Heroes is purportedly a “character driven drama”, yet they have so many people, they can’t even begin to build any of the characters properly.  Just when someone’s storyline is getting interesting, they switch to another character.  Usually this builds “suspense”, but even from the first season, it just built “boredom”, due to the character overload.  They need to cut down the number of characters dramatically, and just focus on two or three at the MOST.  Claire, Nathan, and Peter would do fine, with the rest of the cast as just occasional support.

Don't Get Rid of Her Either

If this article has suggested I hate Heroes, I really don’t.  I enjoy the show, it’s entertaining, but the writers have got themselves into a really deep hole, and are resorting to idiotic measures to save themselves.  It’s only so long before the show’s stupidity overtakes its entertaining points (something which has already happened for many people), and it just becomes unbearable to watch.

Michael C. Hall - Dexter

True to style, the third season of Showtime’s Dexter doesn’t start with a bang; it starts with a stabbing. Michael C. Hall returns as the titular character Dexter, a blood spatter expert working for the Miami Police Department. He struggles with a lack of emotional empathy, an obsession with pleasing his dead father, and juggling life with his step sister and girlfriend with two children.  The fact that he’s an obsessive serial killer is possibly the one thing he doesn’t lose any sleep over.

Dexter's Dark Side

The appeal of the show lies in the fact that Dexter is constantly conflicted between being a vigilante seeking justice, and a psychopathic killer fulfilling his blood lust.   He is impossible to hate, and his dilemmas are a twisted look into our moral code which disturb as much they entertain.

The third season involves Dexter experiencing a moment of spontaneity in his carefully structured life, which leads to a series of disastrous consequences.  Dexter is once again part of the pack of hunters looking for himself, but there are a lot of differences from the previous season, which I can’t delve into because of spoilers.  The general impression that’s given however, is that nothing is as it seems, and there’s going to be a lot of twists.

The show follows a similar pattern from last season, with the head of investigations becoming Dexter’s main passive antagonist.  The actor in question is Jimmy Smits, who is recognizable from his other roles as a cop in L.A. Law and NYPD Blue. The rest of the cast are all present, with the notable exception of one character, who was removed at the end of Season 2.

Jimmy Smits

Debra is experiencing her usual struggle trying to work her way up through the police ranks, while Angel finds out that a promotion comes with its own set of problems.  Another new character is introduced in the form of an Internal Affairs agent, who seems like she would be more at home in a valley girl convention than a police force.

As usual, the pace of the first episode is intense, with Dexter being thrown into as many tight situations as the the writers can throw at him.  I wouldn’t expect the pace to last for too long, as the show usually tends to slow down during the middle before picking up pace again.  The more introspective Dexter becomes, the slower the plot moves.  Even with the great first two seasons, once again, this is probably going to be the best one.

She's a Cop?

Dexter will begin airing on Showtime on September 28th.

I thought it would be fun to see what browser people were using to visit my page since Chrome was released. Here are  the statistics over the past few days:

59 (47.20%) used Chrome 0.2

44 (35.20%) used Firefox 3.0

13 (10.40%) used IE 7.0

3   (2.40%) used iPhone 

2  (1.60%) used Firefox 2.0

2  (1.60%) used Safari 3.1

1  (0.80%) used Safari 3.0

1  (0.80%) used IE 6.0

There were 125 visitors total, with the majority using Chrome and the rest using Firefox. Not really a surprise, since a large number of people probably wanted to test out Chrome for the first few days. We’ll just have to see whether these numbers stay consistent over the next few days. 

I’m glad to see that Firefox 3.0 is still the majority for the rest of the people.  It’s always amusing to see Internet Explorer at the bottom of the barrel.

It’s also a little surprising that 3 people visited this page using an Iphone.  I’m amused.

Bill O'Reilly

Let the fireworks fly, this is going to be one interesting episode of the O’Reilly Factor, and a huge ratings pull for Fox.  

Barack Obama is scheduled to make an appearance on the O’Reilly show tonight.  O’Reilly is (in)famous for his unorthodox mannerisms and extremist right wing views.  Unorthodox was just a nice word for being a bully and an all around unlikable guy.  It’s hard to say whether O’Reilly is just playing a character for the sake of ratings, or if he’s really displaying his true character on his talk show.  

It’s not uncommon for O’Reilly to yell, harangue, and bully left wingers on his show if he disagrees with their opinions. He usually gets the last word in on arguments by the simple expedient of making sure he can get his opponents mics’ disconnected at any time.  He revels in forcing people to agree with him through semantics and ad hominems.  

Barack Obama on the other hand is a die hard democrat, known for his oratory and debating skills.  He’s not the type of person who will let himself get bullied on national television.  O’Reilly has been bested before on his own show, specifically by Phil Donahue and Stephen Colbert, but i’m sure this episode will out-do both of those.  

watch?v=ucnA8ElvZQA

It’s recently been confirmed that a US based special ops team carried out a minor military strike against a Pakistani village, targeting a Taliban leader.  Without Pakistan’s knowledge or permission.  

The attack was minor in the sense that it was short and quick, but the term seems to belittle the fact that 15 civilians were killed in the attack, including a child.  A spokesperson for the US claims that all the deaths were the result of civilians protecting Taliban members, but it’s much to early for any concrete details

It appears that the operation was unsuccesful; the US team did not succeed in capturing or eliminating their target. The failure is irrelevant.  The fact remains that the US carried out a military operation in an allied country without their permission.  Whether the country is hostile, allied, or neutral, it’s still a political slap in the face.  It’s an indication that the US has no faith in Pakistani policy, and feels entited to carry out things their way, no matter what the consequences.  It seems the Bush administration was just waiting for Ex-President Musharraf to step down before launching their attack.  It was an arrogant move against an already tenuously held ally. 

Before the Bush nay-sayers come rushing in, just remember that this issue has come up before; in a debate between Senators Obama, Clinton, and Dodd.  The self proclaimed harbinger of change, Barack Obama actually suggested this strategy in an infamous debate on August 1st.  His claim was that the US should be prepared to move into Pakistan without Musharraf’s permission, if enough intelligence was gained to justify the strike.  Apparently Obama predicted a lack of co-operation on Musharaff’s part.  You can see the debate here:

http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=3458915

The US has long declared it’s dissatisfaction with the lethargic stance Pakistan has taken regarding it’s policy towards the rounding up of Taliban members, this is just a ridiculous move.  No doubt the US anti-spin machine will be downplaying this as much as possible.  

More news will come flooding in soon.

EDIT:  Apparently it was a NATO run unit, but the final decision had to come from an American based team.